All the things
This is a place where I just randomly share parts of my life or musings of my mind
The Necessity of Friends
April 7, 2025
I have always had friends. I don’t want to sound braggy. Not saying it’s easy making friends but I have learned that if you are just yourself you can attract who is suppose to be your friend.
According to Dictionary.com this is the definition of a friend
Friend- a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
The Bible defines a friend as :
“A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.”
Proverbs 17:17 NLT
So let’s dive into the necessity of friends . You’re not suppose to go through this life alone. Even if you have a spouse you should have at least one to two friends. I think if your spouse is your only friend that would be a problem, especially when they eventually pass away who would help you mourn. Who would help you reminisce about all the good times, who would help you think about all the good times that you and your spouse enjoyed. Also your spouse may not want to do all the things you want to do or may be interested in and having friends adds to your life.
There’s nothing like being of service to your friend. Supporting your friend in all their endeavors, laughing , traveling and enjoying life together. It also says a lot about your personality if you can’t make a friend or keep a friend. If that’s the case I suggest you ponder what’s going on inside of you and what you’re reflecting to the world and who you’re attracting. Plus therapy is a good thing to add to your self development as well. This will allow you to get to the root of why you can’t make or keep a friend.
As I’ve gotten older my circle has gotten smaller which is fine. I think that’s par for the course . Also I have different groups of friends to do different things with as well as . Some of my friends date back to elementary school, junior high , most from college the rest are after due to me volunteering , taking trips and I think I have a new friendship burgeoning.
I take friendships seriously because in order to keep them you must cultivate them and maintain them. And depending on the friendship you have with the person. You can either chat/text daily , weekly , monthly , quarterly or for some once a year.….but a friendship is not to be neglected and that person is not for your emotional trauma dumping. That’s why there are therapists. Now I will say dudes are different , some can go years without speaking to their friend and still consider that person their close friend ….different but whatever works for them.
Anyway to end this on a high note. In order to make a friend you need to know how to be a
friend. Learn how to listen without judgement, or giving unsolicited advice ( unlessrequested ) , don’t try to fix your friend or their problems unless asked. Friendship is an equal exchange of joy and conversation whether thought provoking or silly . A safe space to be your weird, eclectic, creative , regular self.
Until next time.
Smooches 💋 & Hugs - Tola
Proud HBCU Graduate🎓
March 27, 2025
When I was in high school I wrote an article in my senior year book about the benefits of attending and graduating from an HBCU ( Historically Black College or University). Many years later I stand on what my 17 year old self wrote.
Attending my HBCU was one of the best decisions I ever made. I would share where I went but I do need a tad bit of privacy since this here is the internet’s 😂😝 . I will say I’m a proud Golden Tiger 🐯 ❤️💛. If you can glean from that where I attended and from the pictures below. You win 🥇.
Attending my Alma Mater instilled in me pride of self and of my people, determination , inventiveness and perseverance. I learned to speak up for myself and ask questions. I knew I was smart and they fortified that thought.
I was exposed to black people from all socioeconomic backgrounds and cultures . Whoever is reading this; not all black people are poor and struggling. We got money and I saw it. We attended boarding schools , traveled the world , belong to country clubs, are members of exclusive organizations . And we still saw and still see the benefits of attending a University that lifts us up, educates us and cultivates young minds to be the future leaders of tomorrow.
Here is an article that shows statistically that we who attend HBCU’s have better mental health than our counterparts who attend PWI’s ( predominantly white institutions). And given the state of these here United States ….makes complete sense.
If you are considering attending an HBCU or if you want your child or niece , nephew , cousin or next door neighbor to attend. My advice is to visit the schools first. I never would have picked my HBCU if I didn’t visit. I thought it was too deep in the south and I also thought the extra smart ones only attended that school. Light bulb moment for me . I am an extra smart one 😀. Again I learned so much. When I stepped on that campus I just knew I was suppose to go there. It felt like home , and it still does. I’m so glad I did because honestly I had my sights on another HBCU and when I visited that campus I was like NO! 😭😭. It was not what I thought it was in my head. It didn’t have a campus for me. I needed more trees more land.
Honestly I was looking for my Different World experience.
Or me being a Gamma Ray like in School Daze 😂😂
I was active on campus , I joined a few organizations pertaining to my major, I worked , I partied. I HAD A TIME!!!!. And of course I studied hard and graduated on time. Well on time for me was graduating with the people I came in with. Some didn’t and that’s because they were engineering majors which were 5 years and also things happen. Life happens. The beauty of it is that you graduate. I graduated by the grace of GOD due to some personal matters that came up during my senior year.
But I digress. I just want to say attending and graduating from my HBCU is one of the best decisions I ever made. I left there with knowledge, knowledge of self and life long friends that I haven’t a clue how I would be if I didn’t have them in my life.
Until Next time
Smooches 💋 and Hugs - Tola
February 27, 2025
We are in interesting times. So it got me thinking about the movies I like to watch that allow me to escape and have temporary laughs and fun. My sense of humor is a bit different than most. First that comes to my mind . A few Vince Vaughn movies. YESSSSSSS …Vince Vaughn who I had a crush on for a while. Still kinda do 😝.
In no particular order
1. Wedding Crashers - Rated R 2005
2. Dodge Ball - PG-13 2004
3. Couples Retreat - R 2009
4. Four Christmases - PG-13 2008
5. Old School - R 2003
A few escapism shows I like to watch and still watch the reruns
1. Living Single 1993-1998
2. Martin 1992-1997
3. The Golden Girls 1985-1992
4. Designing Women 1986-1993 ( but only the Delta Burke years I prefer to watch )
5. Different World 1987-1993 ( soooo not so much the first season & not so much the last season )
>*< honorable mention: The Bill Cosby Show 1984-1992 . Some of us may be conflicted some of us may not be. I will say this ; this show was very important to a lot of us growing up during that time. Channel 4 8pm est on Thursday in New York right in front of the tv. It was a moment and it was part of a lot of our childhoods. So when and if I do see the Cosby show on tv. I watch it because it brings a smile to my face of “simpler times”
So when things get too heavy when you’re watching the news , think about what makes you laugh. What puts a smile on your face. If it’s not tv or movies. Head over to my Books & Books & more Books section of the blog. Because I get it visual media may not be your thing. Until next time.
Smooches 💋 & Hugs - Tola
February 27, 2025
One of my favorite countries that I have visited is Cuba. Now I will say the first time I visited the country back in 2018 . I went with my home girl ( shout out to Niambi ) . It was a culture shock of course because any place that you’re not familiar with will be a culture shock. We went on tours, we ate good food. I tried to speak Spanish even though my Spanish is terrible 😂. I bought some souvenirs.
It was a pretty cool experience . Pretty cool because my friend and I ran into some racist $hit from our Air B&B hosts. I won’t go into it but we both were looking at each other like this can’t be real.
I decided to go back in 2019 because I felt like I needed to give the country another shot & you can’t judge a whole country on 2 ignorant people. The second time absolutely amazing. I went by myself and joined up with a group. We had a ton of fun, we went on tours, we did a cooking experience. I met amazing people and a walked away with a friend who we still chat to this day ( shout out to Shani ).
Needless to say sometimes you have to give a place a second chance . If I didn’t I would have missed out on those great experiences and making a new life long friend. Until next time .
Smooches 💋 & Hugs- Tola
February 26,2025
Not many people know I am a notary. I thought I was going to gain my fortunes in the loan signing business. Not my ministry 😂. I think I will let it lapse and won’t renew. I got it during the pandemic. When I was trying to figure out my life and see where my money will reside. I was operating in fear and confusion. I don’t live there any more. So if you are wondering what to do and maybe a new career. Check out being a notary in your state (if you live in the states) and try your hand at loan signing I hope that it will be successful for you. Until next time.
Smooches 💋 & Hugs- Tola